For many years now, the bedrock upon which my world rests hasn’t quite been completely solid. Somehow, someway, a fissure has wreaked havoc upon the once stable foundation, until the solid rock now resembles a spongy, mud-like substitute. For those of you who I lost just now, in short…my life is ever changing.
In many ways, this is a good thing. It means I’m flexible, able to move around and change careers at the drop of a hat. Granted, I will always need some kind of financial security. However, the time has yet to come where responsibility calls me to focus and provide for my future family.
Because of this, and this fact is becoming more apparent every day, I have grown lazy and unmotivated. Many days, when I try to look into my future, I see nothing besides hopelessness and loneliness. As a result, my mood has grown ever more depressive and lately, self-destructive.
A week ago, a year of toil and stress came to an end. However, like most holidays, the days before are the same as the days after. The same stresses and anxieties of yesterday still plague me today. Even now, as I write this, I’m struggling to stay focused and on track.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that; lately, I haven’t been the perfect version of myself. For many years, I was unknowingly becoming content with sitting still and doing nothing. Mainly, because the fear of failing any task I set out to accomplish was too great of a challenge. As 2013 begins, I’ve been reminded of how I’ve spent the last few years, and even If I wanted to change…at this point, I don’t know if I can.
For now, as I search my heart for the drive to continue…I want you all, my avid readers, to know…I still love you all. Even though I may never see your faces, there are times when I can be more honest with you than I can even with myself.
Thank you for reading and trust me when I say, I had a completely different topic in mind when I wrote this first line. Turns out, I just really needed to write something out and get something down onto paper (or onto the computer screen)
Thank you once again for reading, be sure to check my other offerings, which I promise to be much more entertaining and not so downhearted.
~ Kurtis the Red